“Well in The Church, I mean… Okay, I think I said something to Mo once, like, The Church is an environment for being relevant, but not really a creative environment.
“I remember, way back when I was a kid, I’d watch boxing all the time with my dad, and . . . and then go downstairs in the bathroom after and pretend I was a boxer in front of this big mirror we had down there.
“But the thing is, I’d open and close my eyes real fast or something, like a strobe light . . . and had no idea I was even doing it. Somehow that made all the flashes I saw of myself punching and ducking around look real cool. I mean, I’d just see all the perfect boxing positions and poses and stuff reflected back. Nothing in-between.
“Then one day, I suddenly noticed the whole thing with the blinking and tried doing it with my eyes open. I couldn’t believe how ugly I looked . . . and slow, and awkward, and…
“But that’s not what we’re…
“Sorry.
“You know how I said Advertising was supposed to come in and keep The Church growing, to help make it its own empire? Well, lots of things changed then, of course. It got to where every week a few of the most amazing-looking Church people were shown up on these huge screens at the front before The Pastor came to speak. And the thing about that was… I just… The way The Pastor could paint such vivid, simple pictures of . . . of, like, real human life with his words . . . to me, that’s true art. So, basically, it felt like I was watching Advertising dilute The Pastor’s work, cheapening and taking away from what was real . . . replacing it with the sort of flashy perfection that only makes everything dull until it’s all just the same as the fog.
“But the ironic part . . . the saddest part to me . . . was how The Pastor would still bring all his messages back at the end to a promise about that other coming world.
“I’ll say it like this: Leaders in The Church . . . well, rulers everywhere in The City . . . they all try to be as close to what Advertising shows as they can get. Of course, I mean, you’d expect that. And we already talked about it. But for just all the regular, lowly Church people . . . the slaves . . . I mean, they still keep seeing the same perfection shown week after week on the screens. And then they’re left to make sense of how New Cannibalism could connect to a promised perfect world.
“So, which is perfect? Is it the perfect future that gives those slaves every reason to stay what they are? Or is it the perfect beauty always shown on those massive screens?
“What I heard The Pastor start to say was the other world could be enjoyed by believers now, in this life, at least to some degree. And in that way, the beautiful ones on the screens came to be understood as, like . . . ideal . . . since they were obviously experiencing more of what everyone believed they should want . . . more than anyone else.
“But, sorry… Here’s what I’m trying to say: How could it be both? Could a Church slave ever be faithful enough to be made like those ones they’re shown? To me, that’s an irony even grayer than the fog, and about a million times as empty and sad.
“But the worst part was how no one seemed to even notice or care about those sorts of things anymore. Looking back, maybe they felt like questioning what they heard would be the same as challenging New Cannibalism or doubting what they could see by Faith’s light in the fog. And yeah, that’s the last thing anyone would do.
“So now, lost somewhere in an impossible distance between their real lives and perfect images, the slaves know only more and more of the same hellish, un-fixable pain the other world was always meant to be the answer to.
“They get used up . . . eaten . . . and they die.
“Of course it’s not the beautiful ones’ fault, since they’re just being used by Advertising to celebrate New Cannibalism in far more fun ways than the slaves.
“It’s not really the rulers’ fault, either. It’s no one’s fault. It’s all just that Lie from the same old fear that stays almost hidden in the fog.
“I mean, the idea that people would ever feel the need to, y’know, put on suits and play roles with each other . . . so, like, what’s said and done always has to make some specific impression… Like, someone has to have the advantage in every… But again, it’s never on purpose.
“I’m sorry. I get emotional. It’s hard for me to say what I’m…
“It’s like we’re all just fearful children in a way. We scramble and lie to take what we can. It’s all we know. It’s all we’re taught to let ourselves know. And, so, everyone stays stuck on levels where some get sacrificed to make others feel a little more secure.
“And those things we want . . . those things we fear we won’t have enough of . . . we can only see them all in part through the fog.
“No one will ever be as perfect as the beautiful can be made to look. No one will ever be ruler of all. So, everyone’s in the same place, really. And everyone’s dying for it. Everyone is . . . dying.
“But I’m calmer now, like I said. And the reason is… Well, first, because I finally see how . . . how fearful kids do eventually grow up. But more than that, what I’m really starting to realize, is . . . yeah, growing up happens without the kids having to, y’know, try.
“I know that’s probably not the whole picture, but… It’s just the impression I get when I see Faith’s light spreading, showing and connecting more and more.
“I don’t believe what’s possible can be held back the same way anymore. Not by the fog or anything else.”
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