I waited a moment, expecting him to continue.
Then watching his gaze drift back toward its own special void, I decided just to ask.
ME:
“What do you mean, ‘Trees don’t kill bears’?”
I assumed the line to be a mere reflexive grasp at portraying something close to preciousness, or childlike innocence—a sure stab, regardless, at avoiding my direct question about beliefs.
He spoke, once more perfectly busting and derailing my rigid alignments.
RAY:
“I’m not saying I want to be something else. I… Well, I love the way plants can just, y’know . . . be. They only… I mean, they don’t have to…”
The telltale trail-off would not reverse itself, I knew.
Yet apparently we were in fact edging closer to Ray’s actual worldview.
I realized the best way forward would not be to press for an explanation, but rather to carefully challenge his statement in hopes of examining its defense.
ME:
“But as far as orders of life on this planet, food chains, etc., wouldn’t plants be fairly low on the spectrum?
“Do you enjoy the idea of being consumed or used in some way . . . of being ‘less than’ or ‘beneath’?
“Would I be wrong in concluding you dislike the idea of authority, or power, or levels of importance in general?”
RAY:
“Levels of . . . importance?”
ME:
“Yes, plants being less important than we are, for example.”
RAY:
“But that’s just it. I don’t think… I mean, I don’t see why being a person should be more… I guess the way I see it is, like, everything wants to . . . to be . . . like, be whatever it is, y’know? It wants to exist as much as it can . . . to spring itself into being. But not just living things.”
His face began to take on some of its more perplexing shapes.
His eyes returned to their classic drill of dancing in hurried darts and quivers.
My primary concern became to calm Ray’s obvious anxiety at feeling unable to properly express himself.
ME:
“It’s okay.
“There’s no rush.
“Not now.
“So, let me see if I’m understanding you…
“When you say everything wants to spring itself more to life, are you meaning things wanting to go on living so they can propagate their species?”
I don't know anything 