I don't know anything

“Well, it was because, I mean… Okay, something really bad happened before that. When I was 14.

“No, you don’t have to write that down. I won’t go into it now. I just…

“I guess everything with Caylee and me leaving was, like, me trying to make up for . . . something. Something bad. That’s all.

“But Caylee never said that much at school. She was always just . . . there . . . kind of like me . . . except I think she had some pretty good friends.

“So, I was in the hall one day, and I saw her sitting by herself. And she had these mixed-up pictures of horses on her bag, all different sizes, and… And I usually don’t talk to anyone, but I just said something like, ‘Hey, I saw a horse like that one on Sunday.’

“She told me she loved horses. All animals, really.

“But you don’t have to write that.

“It was just, like, right away I could tell we’d be friends, y’know? Like, everyone else always had to be into all the important stuff . . . but Caylee and me could just sit and talk for hours about this bunch of horses I saw near the train tracks.

“Oh, that was at this place I started going on weekends. It was after the bad thing… But that’s not important, um…

“I’m not sure what you’re writing.

“Okay, I . . . I won’t keep saying that. I mean, I guess you’d know what to…

“Anyway, I started talking to Caylee all the time. One thing: I never got nervous around her, and that was huge for me. I usually couldn’t sit next to a girl in school without feeling like my whole body was getting electrocuted or something. Seriously. But Caylee was different. She told me I was easy to talk to.

“We started going to the train tracks together, and…

“Okay, I just have to say this: It was like we never even thought about, like . . . sex, or kissing, or going out, or anything like that. It just wasn’t like that with her. It was more like we were kids together.

“We’d go watch the horses in the long grass and then sit up over the train tracks with our feet dangling over this big tunnel. Then one day, one of the conductors had to show us why that wasn’t such a good idea. He screeched his train to a stop and then yelled up at us to get down. And as soon as we were off, he let up this huge puff of black smoke right where we had been.

“We never went up there again. But sometimes we’d walk around inside the tunnels and hide in these little openings in the walls along the way, plugging our ears tight whenever roaring trains went by. We’d do things like that all day. That was kind of all we did.

“I didn’t really have that many other friends. And things at The Church were . . . weird.

“No, you don’t have to put that.

“Um, Caylee was just really nice to me. That’s all.

“One day, we decided we were going to go hang out under this bridge by the ocean. I still remember how careful we had to be, climbing down, so we wouldn’t fall into this, like, swampy riverbed thing underneath. We found a place to sit where we could see the riverbed stretching all the way out to end right where waves hit the beach. We started singing all these old songs from back then, or . . . or maybe we were making up our own songs, I can’t remember. But there was always this constant wind. It never stopped. I mean, the wind and waves in the distance were all we could hear while we were there. And yeah, our own voices.

“When it was night, we could see all the stars off over the ocean. That first night, I remember looking down to see she was holding my hand. I already knew I loved her, but… But it was the most amazing…

“I never said anything to anyone. It just wasn’t the way most people…

“Okay, I’m not sure how you’ll write this part down, but we honestly just forgot to go back. That’s all. We were looking at the stars and the waves. We were singing. We were talking about . . . I forget . . . silly things . . . people.

“And she was the only one that knew about the bad thing that happened with me before. She was the only one I could ever tell.

“We really didn’t know how long we were gone, or what was happening with the news and everything. That probably makes no sense. But I think we were down under that bridge near The City for about four days. We didn’t eat. We had a camping canteen with us, and some water . . . but I don’t remember ever drinking. It really just felt like we’d left the world or something . . . like, so far away we forgot all about everything else.

“And when we got back, everything was different. Caylee’s parents took her from school, and I never saw her again. There was nothing like iuns back then. She was gone.

“You probably think I sound so stupid, or crazy, but it was just a . . . a different kind of situation.

“I mean, I hope you don’t get the wrong idea. Like, I don’t remember missing her at all. I wasn’t sad. It was more like Caylee was always with me. And she still is. I didn’t cry. I…

“What are you writing now?”